


This Wall Around My Heart

by scifishipper



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Forgiveness, Infidelity, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-06
Updated: 2012-03-06
Packaged: 2017-11-01 13:45:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/357470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scifishipper/pseuds/scifishipper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An unexpected event forces Lee and Kara to face the past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Wall Around My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is an AU set in the Twelve Worlds. I’ve pushed Galactica’s de-commissioning ceremony out by about five years and have changed many characters’ backstories. Enjoy. (The NC-17 rating is for Kara/Lee sexual content.)

_Caprica_

Captain Kara Thrace sat in the back of a crew transport on her way from the Galactica to the Caprica Base, chewing on a fingernail as she flipped through the pages of the Gemenon Airlines annual report. The report was boring as hell, but the compensation package attached with a staple to the back page made her eyes bug out. In all her musings, she’d never imagined someone might pay her so much money to fly. She slid her fingers over the numbers, not quite an offer, but the salary range highlighted by the recruiting agent who’d contacted her on Galactica just a few days ago. 

The call had come as a surprise as she’d worked around the clock with her shipmates to prepare the Galactica for the decommissioning ceremonies. Until then, she hadn’t even really considered what she would do with her life after she left Galactica. She had a bevy of transfer options around the Fleet, but this one, a chance to muster out and lead a civilian life, had grabbed her attention. Hell, she hadn’t even begun to deal with what it would mean to leave Bill and Saul. That thought alone was enough to make her shove the thoughts aside. She’d served with them for four years and their retirement was forming a slowly widening hole in her heart. They were family to her.

Instead, as she sipped whiskey from a small flask, she focused on the good things: living by her own hand, giving orders instead of taking them, six weeks of vacation a year with cash in her pocket. With a small smile, she imagined long days on the beach, visiting Helo who’d left the service two years before. Her eyes glinted with excitement – Helo would be shocked if she mustered out. Just the way she liked it. 

“Preparing for planet entry. Please secure your seat belts,” the transport captain’s voice sounded over the ship’s comm and she snapped her eyes to the window seeing familiar constellations around Caprica came into view. With a surprising and painful jolt, a rush of emotions came into her throat. She hadn’t been back to Caprica since Zak’s death. Since Lee. His face rose up in her mind and she pushed it away. _No. She couldn’t think of him._

With a hard swallow, she looked away from the window and turned her body towards the man in the seat next to her, her foot hitting hard against his leg.

Beside her, Colonel Saul Tigh snorted and she nudged him hard with her elbow. “Wake up you old bastard. You’re snoring,” she said, eyebrow raised as she waited for him to wake.

The man stirred in his seat but didn’t bother to open his eyes. “Frak off,” he grumbled, and Kara smirked. 

“We’ll be on the ground in twenty. Look alive, soldier.” She nudged him again and he opened an eye, scowling at her. 

“I should’ve taken another frakking seat,” he grated. 

She watched as he sat up anyway, rubbing his face and feeling around his seat for the flask that Kara now held in her hands. His eyes found it and he swiped it away. 

Rolling her eyes, she gave him attitude. “Snoozers are losers, _sir_.”

Saul ignored her and took a long drink. Her brow dipped in concern as she watched him sidelong. Like her, the decommissioning had brought unexpected calls from Caprica. Ellen Tigh, his estranged wife had suddenly popped up from years of silence to insist that he return to Caprica to give her a divorce. After two days of hemming and hawing, Kara and Bill had finally convinced Saul to see her. Even though Kara had her own things to do on Caprica, she’d be planetside if things got messy. And when Ellen came back into Saul’s life, things always got messy.

With a sigh, Kara turned back towards the window and watched the scenery of the glittering Caprica skyline come into view.

*** 

_Delos, Caprica: Thirty-five Hours Later_

Lee Adama rubbed his forehead trying to relieve the ache that had slowly formed there over the past hour. The words on the legal brief he was reading began to blur and dropped his pen and leaned back in his chair to let out a tired sigh. A growling emptiness in his stomach and a glance at the clock reminded him that he’d missed dinner yet again. 

Pushing the pages of his brief into the case file, Lee rose and stretched his arms over his head, easing the stiffness out of his back. His desk was littered with legal files for cases in various stages of completion. He left them lay where they were, knowing in twelve hours he’d be back again, pouring himself into work as the summer season in Delos continued and tourist after tourist found themselves in need of his legal expertise. Summer was a booming time in this seaside community and in the three years he’d lived here, he’d grown accustomed to the rhythm of the seasons. 

Lee slipped a few files into his brief case and stepped away from his desk to cross the room and flick off the light. Closing the door behind him, he stepped through the quiet of the law firm offices and opened the front door, the familiar salty dampness of the ocean air filling his nose. He pulled the wooden door closed behind him and dug in his pocket for his keys.

“Hey, Lee,” he heard a man’s voice call out to him as he locked the door and he turned at the familiar voice.

“Hey, Kyle. How’s it going tonight?” Lee smiled in greeting, glancing around the busy street as his friend, a local police officer, approached, his fingers tucked in his waistband. He was around Lee’s age, approaching thirty with an easy smile and well-built frame. He’d met Kyle at the gym three years prior when he’d first moved to Delos with Gianne to join her uncle’s law firm. He was one of the only friends Lee had made that hadn’t been somehow connected to Gianne, which meant one of the few people he had to talk to now that Gianne was gone.

“The Festival is keeping us busy. Six arrests tonight alone,” the fair-haired officer replied. “Typical Friday night during the summer, right?” He grinned up at Lee with a teasing eye-roll.

“Yeah. I’ve got cases to last until summer’s end.” Lee took the two steps down from the door and glanced past Kyle’s shoulder to see the looming mast of an old schooner docked in Paregoron Bay. His eyes lingered and Kyle turned around to see. 

“The Zephyr. She came in this morning. Have you been here since then?” Kyle looked disapprovingly at him. They’d had more than one conversation about Lee’s need to move on after the break up.

Lee smiled sheepishly. “It’s summer and no one wants to spend their vacation in jail. Today’s the day to catch up on last weeks’ work before the next batch of new clients rolls into town tomorrow.”

“So I can assume you won’t be at the fireworks tonight?” Kyle asked.

Lee shook his head and began to walk towards his car parked in the small lot next to his office building. “Nah. I’m going home.”

Kyle sighed. “Well, if you change your mind, I’m off shift in two hours. We can grab a beer.”

Lee pressed the button on his key fob and his car alarm chirped. “Thanks, but I’ll probably go for a run and then hit the sack. Been a long day.” He reached for the door handle and pulled. 

“Okay. Take it easy, man.” Kyle said as he stepped back towards the sidewalk. “See you in court.” He gave Lee a toothy grin. Lee lifted his hand to wave goodbye and slid into the car’s low front seat. He turned the key and the engine rumbled to life, purring beneath him. His cell began to ring as he put the car into gear to drive away.

He glanced at the row of unfamiliar numbers on the small lit screen. “Lee Adama,” he answered, his fingers tapping lightly on the steering wheel.

“Lee? It’s Kara.” He knew her voice before she said her name and his heart began to pound. 

He faltered, mouth open, his brain almost too stunned to speak. “Why are you calling me? Did something happen to my father?”

Death. The only frakking reason Kara Thrace would ever call him.

“No. It’s Saul.” Her voice was smooth and calm and it made his heart beat like rusty machinery, struggling to function under an onslaught of emotions.

“What about Saul?” He managed to sound calmer than he felt. He stretched his fingers out, spreading them wide to ease the tension.

“He’s in lockup in Delos. A DUI. And he needs your help. The Old Man is retiring in two weeks, Lee. If Saul screws it up for him…” her tone implied some threat that he couldn’t get himself to care much about.

“So, no one’s dead. Well, that’s a relief.” Sarcasm dripped from his tone.

“Lee. C’mon. Saul’s like a second dad to you.” He could hear her impatience right under the surface.

“What do you know? Frak.” He held the receiver away from his ear, memories, so carefully locked away, springing forth like a dam bursting its walls. 

“Lee?” He could hear her on the line, her voice tinny as he stared at the phone’s bright display. 

“Get someone else, Kara. I can’t.” He stabbed the END button and tossed it onto the passenger seat like he'd been bitten. With a loud rush of air, he slumped back in his seat and raked his fingers through his hair. The old ache, the one he pretended wasn’t there had begun to wrap around his heart once more. 

***

_Caprica City: Seven Years Earlier_

_Lee arrived early at one of Caprica's finest restaurants, The Telesto, his eyes scanning the room for his father before asking the hostess for his table. As he followed the young woman, he glanced at the tables around him, their centerpieces crafted with array of dried flowers with rich russet and ivory petals arranged in a nest of dark green foliage sitting atop wide gold vases. Candles and glasses were arranged precisely around their table as Lee sat to wait for the other guests for unexpected Autumnal Equinox celebration._

_“Lee,” his father’s voice sounded from behind him a few moments later. He stood sharply, nearly toppling a water glass as he did._

_“Sirs,” Lee said, saluting his father and the gruff and irritating Major Saul Tigh. Friends for years, the two men had started a relationship when Lee was just a teenager. It was because of Saul that his parents’ marriage has fizzled. Just the man him brought back a rush of memories that Lee did his best to stifle. He would be civil tonight._

_“At ease, Lee. It’s a family dinner, not an inspection,” Bill said and Lee chafed. Any other time, his father would have insisted on the salute. They were in uniform, after all._

_Lee gave an awkward smile and watched warily as Saul followed his father to the other side of the round table, his hand grazing his father's back and pulled out two chairs._

_When they were all seated, Bill turned his gaze upon Lee. “How are you son?” Bill asked, his eyes smiling._

_Lee smoothed his napkin over his lap. “Fine, sir. Transferring to the Atlantia to serve under Commander Glaiser.” Lee’s fingers found his water glass and he raised it to his lips._

_“That's a good assignment, Lee. Congratulations on getting completing War College. Sorry I wasn't able to see you last time I was here.”_

_“It’s fine, dad. It was fine. Mom came.” Lee dropped the glass clumsily onto the table, spilling a little water onto the white tablecloth. He avoided Saul’s gaze, which he felt boring into him._

_“Dad!” Lee heard behind him and smiled as he rose and turned to see Zak coming through the door, a wide grin on his face as he approached the table._

_“Zak,” Lee said and met his brother for an embrace. Lee felt his anxiety drop tenfold. “So glad you’re here,” Lee said, his voice pitched for Zak’s ears alone._

_“I got it, bro,” Zak said and rounded the table to give both his father and Saul a hug. Lee watched in amazement as the three of them grinned at each other. He’d never understand how Zak could just ease into it all. He didn’t think he would ever be able to do the same._

_“Have a seat, Zak,” Bill said, motioning his youngest son into the chair between him and Lee._

_“Great,” Zak said, as he slid into his chair. “Man, I’m so beat. Flight school is a real bitch.” Zak winked at Lee and took a gulp of water from his glass. “I’ve only got about an hour before I’ve got to head back. They’re real jerks about going off campus.”_

_Bill smiled affectionately at Zak, and Lee realized yet again, that his father was never quite so bothered by Zak’s harsh criticism of the military as he was with Lee. If Lee had said something like that, his father would have had sharp words for him._

_“When do you leave for the Atlantia?” Zak asked Lee a moment later._

_“She’s scheduled to be back in port in a week. I’m doing some last-minute things at Caprica Base and then I’ll head out for a few-months tour. I think she’s staying in system, so I might be coming back to Caprica pretty often.”_

_“That would be great. You can by me a beer when I break your old sim records.” Zak tossed him an easy smile and the tightness in Lee’s chest unraveled. Zak was turning into his own man and Lee’s need to watch out for him was beginning to fade. He could take care of himself now._

_A moment later, Saul’s head popped up from the menu he’d been reading. “Here she is,” he announced and stood. Bill stood a second later and Lee twisted around to see a young blond woman approaching, her hair shortly cut enhancing high cheekbones and a wide-set eyes. She wore cadet pips and an easy grin._

_“Sirs,” Kara said, pausing to salute before approaching._

_“At ease, Kara,” Bill said with a welcoming smile. “It’s good to see you. Happy Equinox. You haven’t met my sons.” Bill motioned to Lee and Zak who stood to greet her. Saul had rounded the table and was approaching Kara from the left._

_A second later, Saul had pulled Kara into a quick embrace. “How are you, Thrace?” The gruff older man said and Lee felt his eyes widen._

_“Couldn’t be better, Tigh,” Kara said with a grin and stepped back from the hug, her hand still holding onto Tigh’s sleeve._

_Kara Thrace…Kara Thrace…he knew that name from somewhere._

_Saul spoke to Lee. “I’ve mentioned Kara to you before. I served with her mother in the first war. We’ve known each other for years. She’s a second year at the Academy.” Saul’s face nearly burst with pride and Lee’s brow wrinkled as he stepped forward to shake her hand._

_“Hi, Lieutenant Adama. I’m Kara,” she said. Kara's fingers were warm in his palm, and their eyes met, a soft green-gold, tinged with amusement and a bit of appraisal as she shook firmly and released. Their gaze lingered for a moment, a charge of something between them and then she stepped back and turned towards Zak who was smiling unabashedly._

_“Cadet Thrace,” he said, saluting Kara and attempting and failing to keep his mouth into a firm line._

_“Cadet Adama. Nice to see you out of trouble,” Kara smirked and Lee watched as Zak blushed a bright red and glanced towards their father._

_“She’s joking, dad. I don’t get into trouble.” Lee saw a momentary glimpse of uncertainty in Zak’s eyes._

_“Just kidding, nugget. Keep up the good work,” Kara said and stepped past Zak to greet Bill, who also pulled her into a quick embrace. Lee was befuddled at his father’s comfort with this strange and beautiful young woman whom he couldn’t take his eyes off._

_“Kara, have a seat. We’ve all just arrived.” The waiter approached and took their drink orders as they all settled back into their seats._

_Over the top of his menu, Lee glanced at Kara, eyes taking in her wide, almost elfin face and full lips. She stared hard at the menu and until Saul leaned towards her to whisper something in her ear. When her eyes darted to Lee’s, he looked away, feeling uncomfortable as he imagined the whispers were about him._

_Lee stayed quiet as Zak and Kara talked about the Academy and answered Bill’s questions. He watched as Zak nervously picked at his silverware and napkin, blushing under Kara’s gentle teasing. It was clear that his brother had a huge crush on this second-year and he could see exactly why. She was magnificent._

_“So, Lee. What about you? Where are you stationed?” Lee swallowed his bite of chicken and spoke, managing to sound half-intelligent under her gaze._

_“I’ve just finished War College and I'll be shipping off to the Atlantia in a week or so.” Lee held her eyes and then looked away, unable to think of anything else to say._

_“War college? Impressive! I’ll be happy to make it out of my second year without Major Henderson taking my wings. That woman does not like me,” Kara shook her head._

_“She’s supposed to be tough, Thrace,” Saul interjected. “And don’t even think you’re not graduating right on time. You’re the best pilot that place has ever seen. She doesn’t graduate you and I’ll come down there personally.”_

_“Hold on there, tiger,” Kara said, giving Saul a warning expression and laying her hand on his sleeve. “No need for heroics, but you know me, can’t keep my trap shut. Almost got a disciplinary report three weeks ago because I questioned her tactical strategy. Not my fault if she was dead wrong.” Lee watched as Kara shrugged it all off._

_Saul glowered beside her. “You’d better watch your ass, Kara,” he warned._

_“It’s not a big deal. I’ll graduate.” Kara’s tone was testy and Saul reached for his drink, his face irritated._

_“Saul here thinks he’s my old man.” Her amused tone sparked back to life as she pointed her thumb at Tigh, speaking conspiratorially at Lee and Zak. “Since the day I agreed to join the military, you’d think he was a mother hen.” She laughed and leaned into Saul’s shoulder. “I’d never hear the end of it if I actually got into real trouble.”_

_Saul grumbled and his father laughed. “Saul wants what’s best for you, Kara.”_

_“Yeah, yeah, I know.” She winked at Lee and he gave her an awkward smile, taking in the whole scene with a bit of dumbfounded amusement. He’d never seen Saul Tigh be so kind._

_“How’s your mother, Lee?” Bill asked unexpectedly and Lee glanced up, eyes surprised._

_“Uh, fine, sir.” He glance at Zak, who avoided his eyes._

_“We spoke not too long ago, she and I. I heard she’s getting re-married.”_

_Lee’s jaw clenched and he dropped his fork to the table to raise his napkin to wipe his mouth._

_“We had a good conversation. She sounded happy.” His father’s tone was wistful and Lee wanted to dive across the table and punch him. He hadn’t felt this rush of anger in a long time. Since, well, his father had seen him last._

_His voice sounded sharp and bitter as he answered, the words tumbling out of his mouth before he could stop them, “No thanks to you, sir.”_

_At Bill’s surprised expression, Lee abruptly he pushed his chair back and stood. “If you’ll excuse me.” He turned away, blood rushing into his face as he fought for control of his emotions. Behind him he heard the scuffle of chairs and his father calling him back to the table._

_Thirty seconds later, he was in the lobby, hard shoes tapping on the marble floor of the hotel that housed the restaurant where his family still sat. He breathed and tried to calm himself down, but the images of his mother, drunk time and time again spiraled through his brain. The endless problems and tears that Lee had had to clean up – all so his father could have his career and his new lover. Godsdamnit, he should have never come._

_“Lieutenant Adama?” Kara Thrace startled him with her sudden presence and he glanced over his shoulder._

_“Yeah?” He unclenched his fists and pulled his face into a calm façade before he turned completely in her direction._

_Kara gave him a tenuous smile. “We’re ordering dessert – you want anything?” He knew that wasn’t the reason she followed._

_“No. I’m going to go.” He stepped back._

_“Hey, listen. Saul told me about some of the stuff that went down after he and your dad got together. He probably shouldn’t have, but we’re pretty close.”_

_He wanted to be angry but there was something about her expression that drew him in, pulling him unawares a step closer. He spoke without really meaning to. “It’s hard, you know. My mom…she fell apart when he left.” He raked a hand over his short bristles of hair._

_“My mom was no prize, so I get it. My dad left, too, but I had Saul to help me out when shit got too rough. He’s a good man and your dad seems happy.”_

_Lee struggled to argue with her, but the words tasted immature and nasty in his mouth so he swallowed them down. “I guess.”_

_“Your mom’s better now, right?” Kara crossed her arms over her chest and stared at him._

_He stared back, feeling himself getting lost in her wide eyes. “I guess. She found someone else. They seem good, but…” his voice trailed off._

_“Yeah. I know. I used to have a fantasy that my dad would come back and my mom would stop being a rotten bitch, but that didn’t happen.” She shrugged. “Doesn’t help to stay stuck in the past. Can’t do anything about it.”_

_Lee snorted bitterly. “I usually don’t and then a family dinner happens.” He rolled his eyes at himself and finally broke into a genuine smile._

_Kara smiled back and linked her arm through his. “Let’s go have dessert. I saw a triple chocolate cake on the menu. I know you can’t resist that.”_

_Lee let her lead him back into the restaurant. Cake was not the only thing he couldn’t resist._

***

_Delos Police Station_

Saul Tigh stood in the small cell, relieving himself, listening to the clanking of doors as another prisoner was led out of a nearby cell and through the doors at the end of a long hallway. He breathed a heavy sigh. 

_Frak._

He zipped his pants and sat on the small bunk, staring at the bars in front of him. It had been years since he’d found himself locked up after a night of drinking. Worse, he could barely remember what had even happened. Rubbing a hand over his face, he felt stubble under his palms. He should have never listened to them. They didn’t know what Ellen was like, how she frakked with his head in the worst ways.

_Frak._

The double doors swung wide again and Saul lifted his head out of his hands, eyes widening in surprise as Lee Adama walked towards him wearing a sports jacket and jeans. Saul blinked hard against the image of the man he hadn’t seen in nearly seven years. He looked almost the same, older, maybe a few pounds heavier, but still wearing that same judgmental smirk of his.

“Great. Lee frakking Adama.” The shock hadn’t prevented him from still disliking Bill’s son. Their long history of conflict was well-known. 

Lee’s brow hardened and his mouth screwed up into a disgusted moue. “Saul frakking Tigh. Locked up again. Just like old times, no?” 

Saul grimaced at the harsh words, remembering clearly the days when he hadn’t been able to put down the bottle and had found himself on the wrong side of a disciplinary panel. Bill had stood by him that time, nearly giving away his commission to call in favors from the higher ups. And here he was again.

“Go back where you came from. I’d rather sit and rot,” Saul barked, turning away as anger and shame twisted together in his gut. The ceiling above him was stained brown as laid back on the cot to stare up at it.

“Have it your way, Saul. You want to screw up my father’s retirement, your choice.” Saul could feel his eyes burning a hole into his skin.

“Like you frakking care…” Saul shot back, expecting Lee to walk out like he always did. He was surprised when the man simply stood in place. 

“What I care about is my business. You’ll see the magistrate in about an hour. Get yourself cleaned up.” Lee tossed him a clean white t-shirt and gray hoodie. “That’s the best I could do on short notice.”

Saul saw the clothing hit the wall next to him and fall soundlessly onto his leg. He swallowed, unable to refuse, but unable to make a sound or rise from the bed. He simply stared at the edges of the rectangular ceiling tiles, mind willing Lee to leave.

“See you in an hour.” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the motion of Lee leaving. He didn’t breathe again until the door at the end of the hall slammed closed.

***

Lee emerged from lockup breathing fire. 

“Hey, Lee. You okay, man?” Suddenly his friend Kyle was there, his hand touching Lee’s shoulder and rousing him from his anger.

“Oh, Kyle. Yeah. I’m okay.” Lee let out a shaky laugh, gathering himself as he paused to talk to his friend. 

“You were seeing Saul Tigh? That the same Saul that you told me about a couple months ago?” Kyle flipped through a stack of reports as Lee stood near his desk. 

“Yep, the very same.” Lee grimaced. “The man’s almost sixty, you’d think he’d have his act together.” Lee still felt the old anger, how he’d had to pick up the pieces at home after his father left for yet another assignment, knowing all the while that he was gone and wouldn't come back.

Kyle continued to talk. “He’s a drinker, right? Once that gets hold, can’t shake it sometimes.” He felt the man’s eyes on him and struggled to make sense of it.

“I don’t know.” Lee said weakly and took a breath to clear his head. “You have the arrest report?” 

Kyle nodded and bent over his desk to handed Lee a thin file. “I’ll take him over to the courthouse in about forty minutes. Have to finish up some other thing first.”

“Okay,” Lee said, his mind already focused on the details of the case, his troubled emotions easing away under a well-practiced tight control. “Thanks.” 

He lifted his eyes momentarily from the report as Kyle walked away, heading towards a couple who’d just walked in the door. His gaze trailed his friend and he froze, his entire body locking in shock as he realized who was standing not more than twenty feet away from him. 

_Kara._

***

Kara gave the blond officer a tight smile. “We’re here to see Saul Tigh. I’m a fellow officer and I brought an attorney. Where is he?” 

The man raised his eyebrows and glanced over his shoulder. “Mr. Tigh already has representation. That’s his lawyer over there.” Kyle thumbed behind him and Kara followed the direction of his gesture. She blinked, her body stilling around a suddenly racing heart. _Frakking hell. What was he doing here?_

A small trembling began in her hands as she tried to breathe. An instant later, his eyes locked onto hers, the same intense blue, widening and then narrowing along with his mouth, which hardened into a flat line. She looked back at the police officer, her mind a blur.

“Uh. Okay. Thanks.” Kara blinked and turned away, pulling Mr. Lampkin along with her. “C’mon.”

“What’s this all about Captain? You dragged me out of bed early this morning on an urgent case and the Colonel already has representation?” 

“I didn’t know. He said ‘no’ on the phone last night. I didn’t know he’d be here. Frak.” Kara put a row of desks between them as she lingered by the door. Lee, now out of view, might as well been standing right next to her. Her heart skittered painfully in her chest.

“What do you want me to do?” Romo tapped his fingers impatiently against his briefcase.

Kara’s mind was working fast, sorting the pieces of a puzzle with jagged and sharp edges. “Shit. That’s Lee, the Commander’s son. I had… I didn’t think he’d be here.” Kara could barely breathe and her eyes darted toward where she’d last seen Lee. _This wasn’t happening._

“Well go and talk to him. Figure it out.” Romo glanced at his watch. Kara shot him a look filled with irritation. _Frak._

She took two steps backward and pulled her uniform jacket down sharply.

***

Endless minutes later, Lee's legs were still frozen in place, his fingers flipping through the pages of a report he couldn’t see anymore. _What the frak was she doing here? Why?_

At movement to his side, he glanced up and saw her approaching, the dark blue of her uniform fitting snugly against her body, blond hair pulled back into a pony tail. His eyes then found her face, same wide green-gold eyes, high cheekbones and full mouth that made him blink with sudden memories of the two of them together. His stomach flipped, doing the same nervous dance it had done years before. He crushed the feeling like bug under his boot.

_No._

“What are you doing here?” he bit out sharply. _He needed her to leave. He couldn’t do this. Frak._

Kara blinked, surprised at his tone, and he saw her face harden. The anger was welcome. He knew this dance.

“I brought another lawyer. Saul doesn’t need you.” Kara’s whole body cocked in defiance.

“Fine. Great. Have fun.” His tone was bile and dismissal. He tossed the report onto Kyle’s desk, turned on his heel and strode out the door. 

He shoved the door open, slamming it against the brick wall and then hearing it crash closed behind him. Rushing towards the car, the wind whipped his jacket and hair, a light spattering of rain had begun to fall. He held it together long enough to hear the car alarm chirp and then he slid into the silent privacy of his car’s interior. With his head on the steering wheel, Lee took long gulping breaths, trying to still the painful pounding of his heart. With an onslaught of emotions, his body shook, blindsided by her presence. 

With fumbling fingers, he started the car and rubbed hard at his stinging eyes. _No!_ he shouted inside his head. _Not again._ Lee backed out of the space and drove too fast out of town. 

***

“Colonel?” Kara said, glancing into the cell where Saul Tigh lay on a cot. Her voice sounded weird as she fought against her still trembling insides. _He was here!_

“Kara. What’s going on?” Saul sat up to stare at her wide-eyed. “Lee was here...” 

Kara just stared at the Colonel and then dropped her gaze. Saul knew too frakking much about her history with Lee. Things she never wanted anyone else to know. 

Saul stood and approached her, standing close. She took a sharp breath and looked up, shaking her head and blinking back sudden moisture in her eyes. Warding of more questions, she gestured to her right.

“This is Romo Lampkin, your new attorney. Lee’s gone.” She hated the tremulous quality in her voice. 

“Colonel Tigh.” Romo pushed his hand through the bar and Saul shook it while staring once again at Kara. 

Kara avoided his gaze. “I’ll leave the two of you to talk.” She turned and walked away.

“Captain.” Saul barked from behind her and she froze in place for a long second. _She couldn’t do this._ Kara took another step, grabbed the handle of the door and left.

***

_Caprica City: Six Years Earlier_

_Kara’s body writhed under Lee’s fingers, her hips arching up to meet his touch as he skimmed a palm over her breast and down the flat plane of her stomach. His touch had lit her on fire and she couldn’t stop wanting him. The muscles of his shoulders flexed as she pulled his mouth down for another kiss, tasting the sweetness of the ambrosia they’d barely even touched before their hands were all over each other._

_“Just one more time,” she breathed into his mouth. “I missed you so much.” Her fingers slid under his waistband to find him hard and silky smooth as she folded her hand around him. His groan shot through her insides, making her tremble with need._

_“Gods, Kara. I can’t stop myself. We can’t…” His words were muffled against her skin, a weak refrain that she’d heard before, a useless set of words spoken every time they let themselves be together._

_Lee was like an addiction that she couldn’t control, taunting her with his body and words and no matter how hard she tried to resist, she couldn’t. She’d promised herself she wouldn’t do it again, that she’d avoid him, hit him, shove him away so hard that he’d disappear forever, that they could somehow just go back to being friends. The three of them. She’d even promised Zak, silently, wordlessly, because she couldn’t confess, couldn’t stop Zak’s mouth from bringing her to an orgasm that his brother owned. She couldn’t pretend that she didn’t love Lee more._

_The ache in her heart disappeared only when they were together, Lee’s arms wrapped around her, sharing this hidden and awful thing they were doing. She knew she was his drug, too, that their connection was more than either could resist, pulling lies out of their mouths time and time again while Zak loved them both. She’d be fooling herself if she didn’t admit that the shame drove her harder, and that she punished herself by trying to love Zak more, to make up for what she had done, failing every time Lee found her or she found him or they came together in the same hotel when he came to Caprica._

_It was their place, with its dingy wallpaper and old sheets, grim and cheap and stark, transforming into paradise when he was inside her, driving her insane with his body and his words until they came, hot and sweating, clinging together and trying to say goodbye._

_‘Never again,’ they’d say when their passion had cooled and the guilt set in. They’d agree, shaking on it, promising solemnly as they declared their love for Zak, nearly begging themselves to stay away from each other for good this time. They meant it and for weeks between visits, she thought it might stick until the ache of missing him made her irritable and snappish and she’d she weaken to check the flight schedules online. Her eyes would find the Atlantia, drawn to the date when he would come planetside once more. And then she would search him out again, finding him sitting on the pale green coverlet in their motel room, eyes downcast and guilty until she touched him, cradling his head against her stomach. And the cycle would begin again._

***

_Delos_

Ninety minutes later, Saul stood with his new attorney on the steps of the courthouse after a brief appearance in front of the magistrate. His shirt and jacket, stinking of old booze and sweat, were rolled under his arm. Squinting in the bright sun, Saul glanced around the small coastal town, taking in the tree-lined streets and the happy vacationing families strolling along the wide sidewalks.

Lampkin continued to speak as Saul half-listened; he knew the drill well enough. “We have another appearance in a few days. In the meantime, take it easy on the booze and stay out of trouble. If we’re lucky, the Fleet will overlook this and you can retire like you planned. I’m returning the car you rented, so you’re on foot. Captain Thrace can drive you anywhere you need to go. I’m sure she’s around here somewhere.” Lampkin glanced with disdain around them. “I’ve got to get back to Caprica.”

With a handshake, the lawyer left and Saul breathed a sigh of relief. _Where in the frak had Kara found this bozo?_ He’d almost rather have had Lee. 

With a sour expression, he scanned the storefronts, eyes finding his target, and headed towards _Joe’s Bar_. 

Pulling open the door, the familiar scent of wood polish and beer filled his nostrils as he looked around. At the end of a long bar she sat, head down and staring into a shot glass.

“Thought I’d find you here,” Saul said, sliding onto a stool next to her.

Kara lifted her head and tossed back the shot. “Yeah. What of it?” 

Saul was unruffled and his eyes found the bartender. “Give me a whiskey, neat.” The man nodded and Saul glanced at his reflection in the bottle-lined mirror behind the bar. He looked like hell. 

“That lawyer of yours took the rental back to Caprica. I’m probably gonna be here another week. How much leave you got?” 

Kara ignored him as she sipped her drink and the bartender slid the drink across the table. “Two cubits.”

Saul took a sip and shuddered. “Put it on her tab.” Saul tilted his head in Kara’s direction and the bartender glanced her way. She gave the barest of nods and the man headed back to the other end of the bar.

“What’re you gonna do now?” Saul asked a few minutes later.

“What are you talking about?” He knew she was exactly aware of what he meant. 

“This is your chance. Don’t tell me you’re gonna chicken out now.” For years Kara had wanted to see Lee, to explain and find some peace. Every time she’d decided against it. Now, it seemed, maybe fate was going to force her hand.

“Frak you. It’s none of your business.” She tapped her knuckles on the bar and watched as the bartender filled her glass again. 

“It is my business. Been my business for the last twelve years,” he grated, sipping his whiskey slowly. It burned a sweet path down his throat and he felt his body relax.

“Well not this time.” 

Saul glanced at her face and let it drop.

“And you’re one to talk,” she quipped, talking half the shot into her mouth. “What the frak, Saul? What are you going to tell the old man?”

“I don’t frakking know.” He threw back the rest of his shot.

“What happened anyway?” Kara turned her gaze on him, accusations flying.

He just growled at her. They’d been playing this dance since she was a teenager. She’d holler at him and he’d holler at her and in the end, they’d shared more secrets than he’d ever have suspected.

They sat for a long time, eyes focused on the silent pyramid game on the television behind the bar. The subtitles rolled by as they drank, passing time and settling into their own heads. 

“He doesn’t want to see me,” Kara finally said, dropping her gaze to stare at the glass she twirled in her fingers.

“Maybe.” He really had no frakking idea what Lee Adama might want. Never understood the boy.

“I can’t take it back, you know.” Her voice was sad and small, reminding him so much of the times she’d come to him after a blowout with her mother, all anger and guilt in that tough exterior. 

Her mother, Socrata Thrace had been a hard woman, but a hell of a soldier and he had been proud to serve with her in the first cylon war. They’d both ended up stationed on Picon years after the cylons ran, but Socrata’s life and his had gone in different directions. By the time Saul got to know her again, she’d had a failed marriage and was a single parent to a bright but rebellious pre-teen. It hadn’t taken long for Saul to see the pattern of abuse and he’d gone to his CO to help the girl. Shortly after, things got better.

Within that year, though, Saul had been shipped off to the Valkyrie where he met Bill. He’d never forgotten Kara and they’d stayed in touch, seeing her on leave when he could. That girl had made an impression on him and he made sure she didn’t get lost in the system. The fact that she was a naturally gifted pilot just made it easier.

“That was a long time ago, Kara. People change.” Even as the words left his mouth, he knew that Lee, in his stubborn refusal to ever forgive his father, likely hadn’t actually changed at all. 

***

A few hours after he left the precinct, Lee found himself back at his office, sitting behind his old wooden desk and trying to focus on the case he was reading. His eyes skimmed the letters but none of the content reached his brain. He’d been shaken by Kara’s sudden appearance at the precinct. She’d looked just the same, as beautiful as he remembered, but more refined, maybe even softer. Gone was that scruffy, angry nugget he’d known when she was in flight school – when they'd shared a bed. Lee grimaced at the thought, at the arousing images of her moving against him, their bodies wrapped around each other in passion… With force, Lee slammed the heavy law book closed. _Stop!_

It had taken years for Lee to get over what had happened between him and Kara and Zak, and he never expected that just seeing her would bring it all flooding back. He’d frakking loved her. With a sharp clenching of his jaw, he fought to keep his thoughts under control and pulled more files out of a cabinet to his left and stacking them haphazardly on his desk.

A loud rapping at the office’s outer door startled him and he rose, trepidation filling him. No one ever came to this office on the weekends. He silently begged for it not to be her. He approached slowly as the pounding continued. Through the door he could hear cursing and a gravelly voice. 

With relief, he yanked the door open to see Saul Tigh, his face slack with alcohol. 

“Lee Adama. I need to talk to you.” Saul’s words were slurred and Lee let the man stumble past as he closed the door. 

Lee’s face twisted in disgust. “You haven’t even been out of jail for a day and you’re drunk already. What do you want, Colonel?”

Saul spun around and faced him. “Kara. You two need to talk.”

Lee snorted and shook his head. “You don’t know anything. Stay out of it.” Lee brushed past him and walked back to his office. 

Saul followed. “I know more than you think and that girl needs you to forgive her for what she did.”

Lee felt a hot rush of anger rising into his face and he spun on Saul. “Stay out of it!” He bit out every word, his jaw clenching. There was no way Kara would ever apologize. He’d left that hope at Zak’s funeral. It had been over for nearly six years and he didn’t want to see her again.

Swaying slightly, Saul gripped the edge of the chair in front of Lee’s desk and slumped into it. “I know what it’s like to frak up. It doesn’t get better, Lee. It gets worse until you drown in your own misery.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lee’s tone was controlled, eyes boring holes into Saul Tigh’s bald head. There’s no way Kara told _him_ about their affair.

“I know you were with her when she was with Zak. You frakked your brother’s girlfriend for three months and then he died. Now don’t tell me that doesn’t sit in your craw every frakking day.” His voice slurred more heavily and his eyes became hard chips of brown ice.

Lee felt his chest caving in, every molecule of strength draining out of him. “Why did she tell you that?” His mind was whirling with the implications as he stared at Saul with wide eyes.

When Saul didn’t answer, he looked down at the knuckles on his hand, and asked softly, “Does my father know?” It was the one thing he couldn’t bear, his own shame grounding him down in front of his father once more. 

“Bill doesn’t know. But he should. Your silent treatment has been going on long enough. He lost two sons the day of that funeral and that’s not frakking fair. He still doesn’t understand it. You need to man up, Lee. Get your head out of your ass and make this right with him. He’s retiring in two weeks. Be there.”

He watched as Saul stood and turned towards the door, pausing with his hand on the chair for support as he regained his balance. One last time, Saul looked over his shoulder, his mouth twisting into a deep frown.

“And talk to Kara. Zak died a long time ago, Lee, and wallowing in guilt and anger about it isn’t going to do a godsdamned thing.” 

Lee didn’t answer, could barely look the man in the eye. When the door finally slammed behind him, Lee crossed his arms on the desk and dropped his head onto them. 

He felt sick and had no idea what to do.

***

_Caprica City_

_Kara twisted the sheet of paper into her palm, digging into it with sharp fingernails. ‘Meet me at the Horizon Lounge,’ the paper read and Kara swallowed. It wasn’t their usual place and dread filled her. Lee was ending it. Just the thought of it was enough to make her stop moving, inhaling breaths as she imagined his face, so determined, saying words that finally sounded like an ending. He had to be the one. She couldn’t do it. She needed him too much._

_With her heart in her throat, she entered the nearly empty bar and found the stiff shoulders of his uniform at a small table in the back of the darkened interior. Shoving the note into her pocket, she forced her chin up. She wouldn’t frakking beg._

_“Lee,” she said and he turned around, smiling at her, his face looking calmer than she’d seen it for weeks._

_“Hey,” he extended his hand and pulled her into the seat next to him, giving her deep kiss. “I missed you,” he said against her skin as he slid an arm around her shoulders._

_“What are you doing?” she asked, startled and pulling away to stare at him. “We’re in public.” She glanced around, ducking her head but finding no one except the bartender reading a book behind the bar._

_“I don’t want to cheat any more, Kara. I can’t do it.” His face looked deceptively calm and she frowned, pulling a lip into her mouth._

_“I – okay.” She spun in her seat and took a long drink of the ambrosia he had waiting for her. “I knew this was coming.” Her voice sounded tremulous and she swallowed, calming herself as best she could. It had to end. It would be better._

_“No, that’s not what I mean. Look at me.”_

_She turned her head, just catching his eyes but not quite facing him._

_“I love you, Kara. I love you so much and I can’t do this to myself anymore. I can’t pretend this is going to go on forever.” He took a deep breath. Here it comes, she thought and her heart wanted to stop beating. “I put in for a transfer back to Caprica. I want us to be together. You leave Zak, be with me.”_

_She stared wide-eyed for a long moment and then looked down at his fingers, white-knuckled as they gripped her hand._

_“I don’t know.” She shook her head. In all their time together, he’d never pressured her, and she’d never offered. He lived elsewhere and soon so would she. It would never work. “I’m getting stationed on the Excelsior in two weeks. We won’t even see each other.”_

_Lee leaned into her, touching her face with his fingertips. “Transfer. Say no. Do something. Or frak, I’ll come with you. I can’t be without you. I can’t sleep or eat. All I think about is you. Please Kara. I’ll do anything.” His voice took on a desperate edge that she’d never heard before, the raw need of it triggering something deep and frightening inside her._

_“What about Zak?” She met his eyes finally, seeing so much of what she wanted reflected back at her. She loved him desperately, had nearly sold her soul to be with him under Zak’s nose. A chance to be free of the guilt made her almost giddy._

_“It sucks, Kara, but it’s done. We can’t change it. I never wanted to hurt him.” Lee faltered for a moment, letting go of her hand to rake his finger through his hair. “He’s never going to forgive me.”_

_Kara watched him, wanting to save him from anything that would cause him pain. “I won’t tell him why. I’ll just do it. Tell him we can’t be together because I’m transferring to the Excelsior. Come with me. Change your transfer. Then we can be together. He’ll never know what happened all these months.” She felt like scum even saying the words aloud, but she was down to surviving now. She had to save herself, save Lee, somehow make this frakked up situation work._

_Suddenly, the real possibility of them being together filled her eyes with tears. Gods, she loved Zak, really cared about his happiness, but for months she’d been living a lie. She needed it to end and she needed to be with Lee._

_Hours later, they were together in their small motel room, their night punctuated by passion and pain and the excitement of new possibilities. Near midnight, just before she stepped back out into the night to return to Zak, she dug into her shirt and pulled at the chain around her neck to find the clasp and break the circle._

_She pulled off one of her tags and handed it to Lee who gripped it tightly in his palm._

_“Until we’re together again. I love you.”_

***

_Delos_

It was sometime after sixteen hundred when the crowd at Joe’s Bar began to gather. T-shirted tourists and women with overly-sprayed hair started to crowd around Kara, their laughter and jokes grating on her nerves. With a motion to the bartender, she slapped a stack of cubits on the bar and slid off her stool. Clutching the edge of the bar she felt a wave of drunkenness threaten to take her off her feet. _Godsdamn…_ It had been a long time since she’d gotten this hammered. 

With a deep breath she stepped away from the bar, focusing her attention on putting one foot in front of the other, barely aware of the people she was knocking into. She’d made it halfway through the small crowd when she noticed Lee, smiling his toothsome grin at the hostess who handed him a to-go order. She felt anger ticking in her jaw. Seeing him had frakked with her head, and here he was, happy and flirting. My gods. She took a few steps closer and he turned away, not seeing her, to step back out the door. She followed a few seconds later, letting the heavy door slam behind her.

“Hey!” she barked, shouting angrily to get his attention. She ignored the other startled strangers staring at her.

Lee froze and spun around, his face surprised. When he saw her, he kept walking. 

“Hey!” she shouted again. “Don’t frakking walk away from me.” She rushed towards him, all sense and reason vanished. She was rolling purely on instinct and whiskey. 

“You’re drunk,” he bit back at her, speeding his steps as she started to walk beside him.

“What do you frakking expect? You were an asshole this morning.” She gestured vaguely at the police department building. 

Lee clamped his lips together. After everything today, he was in no mood to fight with anyone, let alone a drunken Kara Thrace. 

“Will you frakking stop?” Kara grabbed his arm and wavered, doubling over slightly, fingernails digging through the fabric of his jacket. She felt sick, like she might vomit and heaved a breath, sucking in air until her stomach calmed. 

She felt his hand on her shoulder steadying her, but his tone was sour. “What do you want, Kara?” 

Kara tried to answer, but as she was about to speak, nausea rose up in her throat and this time she couldn’t stop it. Spinning away from him she rushed to the bushes along sidewalk and doubled over again, spilling the contents of her stomach on the tiny green leaves and the dirt underneath. She wretched a few more times and wavered, feeling overwhelmed with dizziness. 

“Frak.” She moaned, seeing black and stars at the edges of her vision. 

Two strong hands grabbed her shoulders and she steadied, breathing slowly, mind singularly focused on keeping her insides from rebelling again. It didn’t work and she vomited one more time, tears now running down her face as her body convulsed. After another moment, though, she calmed and her body seemed at peace. With shaking hands, she wiped her mouth and face and shrugged Lee’s hands off her. 

“You all right?” He asked, his tone softer, and that somehow made her feel worse.

“I’m fine. Forget it.” She started to walk away, embarrassed and sick. She just needed to sit.

“Kara, hold on.” Lee caught up with her. “You’re a mess. Where are you staying? Let me walk you back.”

“Nowhere. I have no idea. I just came this morning.” She stopped walking as another wave of dizziness made her ears ring. “Oh gods...” She reached out and grabbed onto his arm again.

“Damnit, Kara. What are you doing? You need to get some food into you.” He slid an arm around her waist and she was too dizzy to protest. 

“Look, my car isn’t far from here. There’s a decent diner on the other side of town. Pancakes, right?” Kara blinked at him, seeing more concern than she’d expected. 

Somewhere in her drunk and dizzy brain, she realized that he remembered that she loved pancakes. Her heart pinched. “Yeah.”

***

Lee held onto Kara as they walked slowly to his car two blocks away. Opening her door, he hovered as she slid inside. 

“I can frakking get in a car, Lee,” she said sharply and he pulled back, slamming the door closed.

Irritated, he rounded the vehicle and got in the driver’s seat and closed the door. He car sprang to life and he snapped his seat belt into place. Kara did the same and he backed out of the space, letting his eyes linger on the pale skin of her face as he turned around to back out of the space. 

They drove in silence for a few minutes as Lee’s emotions tumbled inside him. It wasn’t the first time that he’d tended to a drunken Kara Thrace. Those times, though, were happier, before the affair, before it all went to hell, when they had just been friends. 

Stopped at a traffic light, Lee glanced over at Kara to see her eyes closed, breathing evenly. He took a moment then to look at her, see the face that had haunted his dreams for so many years. As he did, much of the furious anger he’d been holding onto for so long seemed to ease away replaced by far more frightening and worrisome ones that took purchase instead. A longing that he didn’t want to know forced his eyes back to the light and he pressed the gas to speed towards the diner.

As he approached the blue and white restaurant, he glanced at her again, her face beautiful in the waning sunlight of dusk, and he kept driving, leaving the diner behind to take the winding roads out of town and to his house. He told himself that she needed sleep more than she needed food. 

A few minutes later, Lee turned the car into the driveway and cut the engine. He walked around the car and opened her door. “Kara? Kara…” he said, shaking her gently. 

She rolled her head towards him, eyes half-opening. “Yeah?” Her eyes drifted closed again before he could answer. Reaching past her, he clicked her seat belt, his face so close to hers that he could smell the booze on her breath. He loosened the belt and began to pull her out of the car. 

“Kara,” he said more sharply. “Come on. We’re here.” 

He felt Kara’s legs begin to work and she managed to push herself up out of the car to lean heavily onto him, mumbling incoherently. He took her weight against him and moved her out of the way so he could close the door. He tucked his arm around her ribs and walked her towards the door. As he fumbled with his keys, he felt her weight slump against him. 

“Kara! Come on.” Her body was falling into his and he nearly dragged her up the step and into the door. With a kick, it slammed closed and he tossed his keys onto the entryway table. “Frak it.”

In one strong motion, he picked her up, carrying her as her head lolled against his shoulder. Lee groaned as he took the steps up to the second floor and into one of the empty bedrooms. He deposited her as gently as he could on the bed and pulled off her boots and jacket and tucked a nearby blanket around her. He lingered despite himself and brushed a hair off her face. She was more beautiful than he remembered.

***

Kara woke to the sound of pots banging in the distance and she slowly opened her eyes. Her head was a sharp throbbing ball of pain, scorching through her skull when she tried to move. Blinking, she looked around, mind drawing a blank for a moment and then vaguely realizing that she was with Lee. Two painkillers and a glass of water on the bedside table confirmed it. 

She rose on a shaky elbow and swallowed the pills down with water, the events of the day before filtering into her consciousness. With a groan, she flopped back onto the pillow and winced. _Frak._ She let her eyes drift closed again and everything went black.

Sometime later, she woke to the sound of footsteps in the hall and rolled over, noticing the pain in her head had been reduced to a very dull ache. Rubbing a hand over her face, she sat slowly, propping the pillow behind her back and looked around the room. It was sparse, with pale blue walls and a large oceanic map gracing the space between two closet doors. To her right, the door to the hallway was ajar, and feeling a full bladder, she crept out of bed quietly. She wasn’t ready to see Lee.

Padding into the bathroom, she closed the door quietly and frowned at her reflection. Her hair stuck up in all sorts of attractive ways and she had something crusted on her face. Kara grimaced, knowing exactly what it was and she turned on the water to wash her face. A few minutes later, she was feeling human again and she slipped back out into the hallway and into her room. 

She sat on the edge of the bed and pulled on her boots before folding the blanket neatly and tucking her cell into her pocket. With a deep breath, she grabbed her uniform jacket off a hanger on the closet door, shaking her head at Lee’s neatness. She had no idea how this was going to go, but frak it. She was here now and she might as well make it worth it.

***

Lee sensed Kara before he heard her booted footsteps enter the kitchen. He stiffened, feeling like every nerve was firing.

“Hey,” she said. 

Lee glanced behind him as he flipped pancakes as they started to bubble. “Hey. How’s the head?”

“Eh. No worse for wear. You?” She answered and he glanced back to see her moving to lean against the island behind him.

“Okay. Did I wake you?” he turned away from the stove and wiped his hands on a towel. The thudding in his heart made his hands sweat. It made no sense that Kara Thrace was in his kitchen. Last night he had somehow dealt with it, now though, in the light of day, Zak was suddenly between them again and Lee felt the rush of fresh guilt and pain. 

“No. Thanks for the drugs. You have coffee?” Her tone was even, but he felt the tension lying in wait.

“Yeah. Black, lots of sugar, right?” He reached for a cup and began to pour. 

“Yeah,” she answered faintly. He focused hard on the simple task, trying hard to push his anxiety and fear away. 

When he handed her the cup, she spoke, her voice unexpectedly sharp. “You remember all this crap about me, Lee? Why?” His eyes found hers as she held the cup between her palms.

He couldn’t answer, so he shrugged and turned away. He couldn’t admit that he really had never stopped thinking about her. 

Blindly, he stared at the round discs cooking in the pan and waited until he thought the pancakes were nicely browned. They slid neatly onto the plate and he clicked off the stove before setting the plate carefully at the end of the oval kitchen table. “There’s syrup and butter there. Help yourself to whatever else you need.” 

Kara glanced at the table and back again to Lee, her face troubled. “You’re not eating?” she asked. 

“No, I ate a while ago. I’ve got some things I need to do.” He stuck his hands into his pockets, his chest aching with uncertainty. There was so much between them that had never been said. Overwhelmed, he stepped back to leave.

“Let me know when you want a ride back into town.” He turned away, his breath stuck in his throat as he left her alone. 

***

Kara watched him leave the kitchen, her brow knitting in anger. Regret pooled into her stomach as she forced down the pancakes, not even tasting them as she washed them down with too hot coffee. She raced through the food and stood, thrusting her arms into the jacket she'd draped onto the back of the chair. She tossed the dish into the sink along with half of her coffee. _She needed to get the frak out of there._

Kara moved from room to room looking for Lee until she found him at the end of the upstairs hallway in his bedroom. He was sitting on his bed, nightstand drawer open beside him as he stared into a small wooden box. He looked up startled when she cleared her throat and snapped the box closed. She stepped back, feeling uncomfortable for interrupting him.

“Lee, I’m ready to get going,” she said, feeling her voice thin out as she spoke the words. There was so much she wanted to say to him. She dug her fingernails into her palm and took a steadying breath. 

He glanced up and closed the drawer beside him. “Okay. I’ll be there in a sec.

She backed away and turned, taking the steps back downstairs to wait by the door. Two minutes later, she heard him coming downstairs and she put her hand on the doorknob. 

“Hey,” he said, dropping a bag on the side table while he pulled his boots on. He grabbed a jacket from the hallway closet. “Ready?” he asked casually as he zipped his jacket.

She nearly gaped at him. It was like she frakking meant nothing. Pain and shock shot through her. All these years, she’d believed that she’d hurt him, devastated his life in some frakked up way and he was godsdamned fine. She was a joke.

Without answering, she rushed past him, stepping out the door and bolting towards the car. _Just please let him drive fast._ Her insides were beginning to turn to mush and she needed desperately to be alone.

Lee locked the front door and with his bag in hand walked towards the car. When the car alarm finally beeped, the doors unlocked and she yanked hers open, throwing herself into the seat. She breathed once, deep and long before he opened the opposite door and sat down. Her foot tapped soundlessly against the car floor. How could he not even care? It stunned her, hurting her more than she wanted to admit and she quietly sucked in air to avoid crying. After all this time, it shouldn’t matter. After all this time she shouldn’t still love him.

Lee drove fast, his fingers light on the wheel of his sports car. She felt his flying instincts as he did, taking every turn perfectly, as fast as he knew the car would allow. If she’d been in a different time and place, she would have loved it, would have urged him on, loving the thrill of speed. Those days, along with their recklessness were over, and instead, she simply stared at the flat landscape, tapping her foot to dispel the tension crawling under her skin.

When they finally reached the town and pulled into Lee’s office parking lot, she let out a sigh of relief. It had been the longest car ride of her frakking life and she nearly tripped and fell as she sprung out of the car, mumbling a thanks as she did. _My gods._ She took a gulp of the sea air and slammed the car door behind her. 

“Kara. Wait.” She was halfway across the parking lot when he called out to her. She was so tempted to just keep walking, but she wanted to hear him. Frak. Frak. Frak.

“What is it, Lee?” She rounded on him, fists planted on her hips. “All this time you can’t say a frakking word and now you want me?” Her words came tumbling out and she regretted the double meaning.

He held out the small bag to her, his face inscrutable. “Your stuff.” 

She blinked, glancing at the bag and back at his face. “My stuff? What stuff?” She approached without thinking. 

“From then. You know. I didn’t know if you’d want it back.”

Kara’s eyes sprung wide. He’d kept her things? “Lee, what the frak is going on. First you can’t wait to get rid of me and then you’re telling me you saved my stuff? For six years?” She was incredulous, staring at him like he was nuts. He had to be.

She saw him blanch. “I never said I wanted to get rid of you. I just…” He dropped his eyes and stared at the gray cement between them. 

“My gods. Why are you like this? Give me the bag.” Kara nearly ripped the bag out of his hands and spun away from him with her chest heaving. She just couldn’t do this. Tears were burning her eyelids as she stood frozen in place, hand wrapped tightly around the ribbed handle of the bag. 

“Kara,” he said, and it was enough to push her. She couldn’t listen to it all, couldn’t deal with what she had done one more time. She ran away, feeling his eyes boring into her skin as she did. She felt part of her soul tearing out behind her. 

It wasn’t until Kara had walked almost to the end of the busy part of the street that she finally stopped, panting and trying to catch her breath. She looked back, but of course he wasn’t there. She slipped into an alley between two stores and cried.

***

_Two weeks later_

Lee sat in the next to last row of a commercial interplanetary shuttle, pulling at his tie as the ship broke atmosphere. It had been three years since he’d been off Caprica and it felt good to be among the stars again. All around him were men and women who were also on their way to Galactica’s de-commissioning ceremony. Beside him, Saul Tigh snored lightly, his long frame bent at an odd angle to fit into the tiny seat. Saul, who could have had a roomier berth on a military transport had chosen to accompany Lee instead, letting him know in no uncertain terms that he _would_ be at the de-commissioning ceremony. When he’d shown up at his door the day before, it was clear that he’d had little choice, and frankly, the opportunity to see Kara and fix his frak-up two weeks ago weighed heavily in his decision. It was time to clear the air between the two of them and between he and his father. He’d run for long enough.

Twenty-five minutes later, the attendant announced their impending arrival and Lee nudged the sleeping Colonel.

“Saul. We’re docking.” 

Saul shifted in his seat, stretching his legs into the aisle as he yawned wide. “Damn small seats. How do they expect a grown man to sleep?”

Lee smiled and stared out the window, watching as Galactica came into view, and his thoughts, as they did every moment since that day two weeks ago, turned to Kara. He imagined her on the ship, tough and beautiful, barking orders and laughing her throaty chuckle. It was these thoughts and the sight of the massive battlestar that left Lee feeling for the first time since he quit the service that he might have missed something. He pushed the thought aside. He’d made the right choice. 

The loud cranking sounds of the landing gear engaging filled the cabin as the transport eased towards Galactica’s hangar bay. A few moments later, he felt the thud of landing and the clickey-clack of seat belts being unfastened throughout the ship. Adrenaline sharpened his pulse and Lee took a settling breath.

“You nervous?” Saul asked, raising his brow.

Lee let out a shaky laugh. “I guess I am.” 

“The Old Man is going to be damn surprised. Might get me off the hook for screwing up down on Caprica.” Saul reached overhead and pulled out their bags, slinging one over his shoulder and tossing the other onto the seat for Lee.

“I’ll put in a good word,” Lee joked and slid out of the seat to follow Saul as he moved towards the exit.

Saul stepped off the transport and was greeted by group of deckhands who saluted as the XO resumed his role as the second in command. “Follow me,” Saul barked and Lee followed, feeling the curious eyes of those around him. He glanced around the hangar bay to search for Kara, but she was nowhere in sight.

“She’s probably in her bird already,” Saul said, giving Lee a sidelong glance. 

“Am I that obvious?” Lee chuckled.

“I know what went down, I’d think you’d be pissing yourself just about now.”

Lee snorted and shook his head, his heart aching. 

“You’ll see her soon enough. First, you’ve gotta see Bill.”

Saul marched him through the unfamiliar halls of Galactica as people streamed by. In a few days, this ship would be empty and his father and Saul would be on Picon or wherever they decided to retire. And Kara would be somewhere else, too.

Finally, the pair stopped at a hatch. Saul pushed it open and glanced back. “Stay here.”

Lee shifted nervously as he watched the hatch close in front of him. It had been six years since he had seen his father, had watched him across Zak’s coffin, standing close to Kara while he’d comforted his mother, her broken sobs the only things outside Kara’s face that he could focus on. He’d been filled with a bitter rage, a grief so heavy with guilt that he could barely function, except to murmur words of meaningless comfort to his bereaved parent. Now, as he stood waiting, the guilt rose up once again, lighter, but still an aching presence that he had to finally deal with, finally confess his sins to the man who had himself committed so many. No longer could Lee fault his father for finding happiness in the arms of someone else. Hadn’t he done the same thing with Kara? 

With a grating squeal, the hatch spun open again and Saul waved him in. His chest tightened as he stepped into the room, glancing around at his father’s familiar things, arranged differently, but still speaking of the man he’d known for so many years.

Lee stepped around the bulkhead, eyes finding his father as he turned to look in his direction. 

“Lee?” His father’s voice was filled with shock, his mouth gaping open before he clamped it closed and stepped towards his son to pull him into a tight hug. 

“My gods, son. What are you doing here?” He leaned back and looked at Lee, his hand holding onto his shoulder and squeezing. 

Lee glanced at Saul, whose eyes glistened as he watched the father and son reunite. 

Bill released Lee’s shoulder and turned to Saul and pulled him into a tight embrace. Lee glanced away and then back as Saul gripped him back, face pressed against his father's neck. “Thank you,” he heard his father say and Lee shifted on his feet, admitting to himself for the first time that the two of them worked better than his mother and father ever had. 

When the two parted, Bill swiped at his eyes and chuckled. “I’m getting old, Lee. Crying at everything these days.”

Lee smiled, feeling an unexpected love tugging at his heart. “It must be hard, giving up your command.” He glanced around the room, seeing half-packed boxes along the wall. For all of the problems it had caused, his father really did love this ship.

“It’s time, Lee. It’ll be an adjustment, but it’s a good thing.” Bill squeezed Saul’s hand and stepped over to the bar. “You two want a drink?”

They both laughed nervously and answered in the affirmative. Moments later, with drinks in hand, Bill motioned them to sit. 

Lee took a seat on the wide leather sofa and glanced at Saul who raised his glass towards his lips. “I’ve got some things to do, Bill. And I think you and Lee have a lot to discuss. I’ll leave you to it.” He swallowed down the rest of his drink and spun around.

When the hatch clanged closed, Lee glanced at his father and then down at the ornate pattern on the rug under his feet.

“What’s on your mind, son?” 

Lee heaved a sigh and stood, walking to the bar to pick up the decanter of whiskey. “It’s a long story, dad. And I think we’ll need a little more of this.” He stepped forward and topped off their drinks.

He set the decanter down between them and began to talk.

***

An hour after the official ceremony decommissioning the Galactica, Kara stepped out of the shower, her hair still dripping at the ends. She combed it back, staring at her reflection in the mirror as she pulled it into a tight ponytail. Now that the formalities were complete, she had a lot to do. Wrapping a towel tightly around her chest, she slipped into the corridor and down to the senior pilot’s quarters where she slung the towel over her locker door and slid into her duty blues. With a satisfied smile, she realized that this was one of the last times she'd wear her uniform. She’d accepted the job with Gemenon Airlines and in a matter of days, she’d be planetside.

Squeezing her hair out against the towel one more time, she hung in on a hook inside her locker, glancing down as she did to spot the duffel she’d been avoiding for two weeks. With a frown, she pulled it up and tossed it onto her rack. Eventually, she was going to have to look inside – might as well be now.

Tucking a leg beneath her, she sat on the rack and slid the zipper open and pulled it apart to peer inside. She pulled things out one at a time, remember each item, her heart sinking slowly as she did. She shook out two old pyramid shirts, smiling at the memory of weekend games on Caprica with Lee and Zak, the two of them, her closest friends, flanking her sides as they argued about team strategy and cheered on their favorite players. More times than not they’d follow the crowd to one of the bars outside the stadium, continuing their celebrations or drowning their sorrows in booze. It had been at one of those games, with Zak off on a week-long training mission, that Kara and Lee had started their affair, pretending that it had been the alcohol, but later admitting that they’d both been sober enough to stop. She’d had to live with that choice for a long, long time. 

Kara laid the shirts aside, her fingers lingering for a moment before digging back into the bag. Next, she pulled out an unmarked envelope and dumped the contents onto the mattress. Cubits stared up at her along with a few C-Bucs ticket stubs and a folded photograph. Slowly, she opened the paper and saw the familiar photo of the three of them after a pickup pyramid game. It was different than the one she had hanging in her locker. It was the three of them laughing together, arm in arm, but Kara’s head was tipped towards Lee as they’d all stood close for the picture. 

She remembered now Lee's sharp reaction when Zak said he loved her in front of him, how the entire mood had changed and the guilt they'd gotten so good at hiding had blossomed between the two of them. So clearly, she remembered teasing Zak as he hugged her, the feeling of Lee moving away, the click of the camera. That had been the last time the three of them had been together. 

With a shake of her head, she folded the picture once more and shoved it back into the envelope. Kara dipped her hand back into the bag. Her fingers scraped along the bottom of the duffel until she found a smooth rectangular box and pulled it out. It was the same box Lee had been holding when she interrupted him as his house two weeks prior. Slowly, she opened it and the tears that she’d been holding back now slipped down her face. Inside was her tag, the one she’d given it to Lee the day they’d agreed she would tell Zak everything. The day she was supposed to end it.

The day she’s said yes to marrying Zak instead.

Swiping away tears, she slid her other leg onto her rack and snapped the curtain closed. With shaking fingers, she reached across her rack and pulled a small pouch off her shelf. Opening it, she slid the contents into her palm. Her small statues of Artemis and Aphrodite slid out, clanging softly together and then the ping of metal on metal as a dog tag slipped between the two statues to land on her thigh. She picked it up and swiped her thumb across the name on the tag: _L. Adama_. 

With both tags now clutched together in her palm, she turned onto her side and let the tears come one last time. And then, she promised herself, it would be over.

***

For an entire day, she’d managed to avoid Lee. She’d found out that Lee was on Galactica from the deck crew and the other pilots, and finally, from Saul, who’d come knocking on her hatch as she put the last of her belongings into an over-sized green duffel. 

“How long you going to hide, Thrace?” he drawled, leaning casually against the hatchway.

“Not sure what you mean, sir,” she answered coldly and zipped the bag, before dropping it onto the floor beside her rack.

“Don’t give me that garbage. The old man’s been asking about you for an entire frakking day. I covered, but it’s time to pay the piper, Thrace. Bill knows. Lee told him everything and you need to get your ass down there and show yourself.”

“Yes, sir,” Kara answered with a belly full of bile.

“Good. He’s expecting you.” With that, Saul spun away and strode down the corridor. Kara tossed her mattress and blankets in the guise of looking for left behind items. What she really wanted to do was crawl under it and disappear. _Frak._

***

With no one else to talk to, Lee made his way back to his father’s quarters. A nice young woman, Petty Officer Dualla, had given Lee a long tour of Galactica at Saul’s request. It had been filled with details about the ship and about his father’s command. And if he wasn’t mistaken, the woman had also been flirting with him. It was sweet and amusing, but the person he’d really wanted to see had been avoiding him. 

Now, with his tour complete, he said his goodbyes to the young officer and parted ways, intending finally, to find Captain Kara Thrace, even if it meant asking his father to order her to appear.

With a few wrong turns, Lee finally found his father’s office and knocked on the hatch. He waited a long moment and then knocked again, his hand hovering over the metal when the door finally squealed open. 

“Lee. I’m glad you’re here, son.” He motioned behind him, speaking quietly. “Kara’s inside. Saul thinks you two need to talk and from the way she’s acting, I think he’s right. You two need to talk.”

Lee blanched and glanced past his father, but couldn’t see much further than an empty bookcase near the door. “Um, okay...” He fought the urge to go back the way he came.

Bill stepped out of the hatch and waited for Lee to move inside. “I’m going down to the CIC to supervise the docking procedures and then I’m heading off the ship in the morning.” Lee watched as Bill closed the hatch.

“Okay, dad. I’ll find you before I leave.” 

The hatch wheel spun and Lee turned around, taking a calming breath that did nothing to ease his trepidation.

“Everything okay, Commander?” Kara asked and blinked when Lee appeared instead of his father.

“He said he had to go,” Lee answered awkwardly and approached as Kara rose from the sofa and dropped an empty glass onto the bar.

“I see. Well, I have some last minute things to do before I leave tomorrow. I bet your dad was glad you came.” Kara walked towards him to pass. 

Lee grabbed her arm before she could make it by him. Despite his fear, he had to do this. “Kara, wait. Can we talk?” His eyes met her wide stare and she pulled her arm away, but stood still.

“I don’t have anything to say, Lee. What’s done is done. I can’t let it run my life anymore.”

“Me, neither, Kara. That’s why we have to talk about it. It’s been six years… I need to know what happened.” He glanced away and then found her face again, her expression tight as she stared at him.

“You mean you want to know how I frakked up? That’s what you really want to hear.”

“No, Kara, stop. _Please._ ”

She looked towards the hatch and Lee felt her struggle, watching with his chest aching as he waited for her to run. A thousand sentences formed on his tongue, but none made sense. He wanted to say he loved her. Missed her. Ask a hundred questions but he couldn’t even move. She was about to walk out of his life again and he wasn’t sure he could handle it. 

“Kara, I’m sorry.” He didn’t know what else to say.

He saw her dig into the pocket of her fatigues and spin around, her palm open in front of him. “Why did you keep this?” In her hand was the tag he’d kept hidden away for so long. “Why didn’t you throw it away. Destroy it? Why?” her voice rose in pitch and bounced off the now-empty metal walls of his father’s quarters.

Lee stared at the tag, unable to speak for a long moment as emotions jumbled into a knot in his throat

“Answer my question, Lee,” she insisted.

“I loved you.” Lee frowned deeply, and held her eyes before he looked away. He was remembering now the hurt that he’d endured after Zak’s phone call, the one he’d expected to be from Kara but held Zak's excited voice on the other end: _'She said yes!'_

Lee cringed at the memory. “I hardly had anything left of you. I wanted to throw it away, but I couldn’t.”

“I called you, Lee. I came over. I wanted to explain.” Kara’s voice was low and quiet.

The old anger started to tighten his jaw as he listened. He didn’t want to go back there, the rage was too hot and consuming, coming up from depths he’d thought were long smoothed over. He took a sharp intake of breath. “Frak. I thought I could do this, Kara. I can’t.” He stepped to the side and started to leave. 

“Frak that, Lee. You started it and we’re going to frakking finish it. I can’t do this anymore either. Pretend like everything is fine, like everything we had never happened. I have a frakking life and this has been dogging my ass for six frakking years.” Her voice was hot with her own anger and hurt. 

“What do you want me to say, Kara? That it’s okay? I forgive you? I don’t, okay? I didn’t want to have this fight. I kept my frakking mouth shut. What happened that day –” he stopped short, clenching his fists. “Everything. It nearly killed me, Kara. All I could do was stay away. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be around my father and listen to his grief and his shattered dreams about his son’s engagement to the beautiful and talented Kara Thrace. I couldn’t. I can’t.” Lee turned away, his body vibrating with hurt and anger like it had just happened. The images were so crisp and clear, the way he’d screamed at his father, shoving all of his guilt and rage onto the elder man’s lap, accusing him of forcing Zak into the military, forcing him to become fighter pilot when he never really wanted to. Truth was, he realized, that it was he who’d never wanted to be a pilot. Zak had been fine with it. 

“Don’t put this all on me, Lee. You were there, too. You wanted me to do it. Take the blame. Tell Zak about us while you just waited. What the frak was I supposed to do? You know what happened? Well, of course you don’t. He had it all planned, Lee. The night before, while I was frakking your brains out, he was planning to propose to me. I came in the next morning and the room was filled with flowers. He was glowing, Lee. He could have probably flown without frakking wings. He did it all. He frakking loved me and I could NOT break him. I just couldn’t.” Tears streamed down her face as he watched her body shaking with emotion. “If we had told him together? Maybe. But you should have seen him. My gods, Lee. I couldn’t. I loved him.”

Lee stared, barely comprehending her words but knowing exactly what she meant, the earnestness, the boyish charm that Zak wrapped everyone in. For weeks before that night, Lee had avoided him, dodged Zak's phone calls, had done everything he could to not hear about how much he loved Kara. So, Lee had pushed for more, for an end to her relationship with Zak. He’d been a coward for insisting that Kara tell him on her own because Lee couldn’t face him. 

He shook his head, not wanting to admit his mistake, but he did it anyway. “You’re right. I pushed you to do it. I should have gone. I should have been there.” Lee dropped onto his father’s sofa and let out a ragged breath. “We should have never done it in the first place, Kara. Never.” Lee felt like crying. For so long he’d wrapped his guilt up in Kara’s betrayal, never wanting to see his own shame about their affair.

“No. But we did. It was frakked up. The whole thing. But one thing is true – something maybe you didn’t think about when you were hating me for all those years. Your brother died happy, Lee. That transport would’ve crashed whether I broke up with him or not. But he died thinking everything was great. I can’t regret that.”

Lee squeezed his eyes closed, remembering the news of Zak’s death on a military transport that had carried his entire flight class to a training mission on Gemenon. It had crashed on landing and twelve cadets had died. Zak was one of them. 

“No. I’m glad he was happy Kara. I couldn’t see that then. But I get it. You're right.” He brought his hands to his face, touching the heated skin and he looked at Kara. “Such a frakking mess.”

Kara stepped towards him and sat on the edge of the coffee table, her knees inches from his. “I could have said ‘no’. I couldn’t. I meant to and then I—”

“No. Stop.” Lee stared at the floor and sighed, a defeated feeling coming to rest over his shoulders.

“So much time wasted.” Lee slumped deeper into the soft leather of the sofa, raising his eyes to hers. “I ruined my last few weeks with Zak, Kara. I’ll never forgive myself for that. He was my best friend and he died believing I was angry with him. Truth is, I couldn’t face him. I can’t even remember how I convinced myself that everything we did was okay. I can’t get that back.”

Kara reached into Lee’s lap and squeezed his fingers. “He loved you. I know he did.”

“I’m so sorry for the way everything happened.” Lee felt the relief of tears now, his body relaxing and letting the grief come fresh and new. He put a hand to his face, swiping them away. “Sorry.” He sniffed and tears flowed again. 

Kara leaned forward and took both of his hands into hers. “Come here,” she said and stood, pulling him up with her and right into her arms. 

Feeling her against him was more than he could bear and he lost control of his emotions completely, shaking slightly against her chest as he cried. She held him tightly and he heard her sniffing in his ear. After a few minutes, Lee pulled away, wiping is nose and chuckling. “We’re a mess.”

Kara smiled, her eyes red from crying. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

***

Lee woke the next morning feeling lighter than he had in months, maybe even years, as the weight of things between he and Kara had eased. The two had parted ways after their hug and he’d spent the rest of the night talking with his father and Saul, cementing their relationship and learning more about the years since everything had fallen apart. Now, having unexpectedly stayed an extra night on Galactica, he'd missed his flight and had no ride home. 

After a quick shower, he found her on the hangar deck talking to a deckhand.

Once the woman walked away, Lee approached Kara and smiled, holding on to the hope that they were still okay. “Hey. How are you?”

“Great. In a matter of hours, I’ll be out.”

“Out?” Lee’s eyes widened and Kara grinned. “Out of the Fleet?”

“What don’t look so shocked. Did you think I was a lifer?” 

“No, but Saul…”

“Yeah, well, Saul would make me Admiral of the Fleet if he had his way. They’re fine with it. Or at least they will be once Bill settles Saul down.” 

Lee nodded conspiratorially. “Good luck with that.” 

Kara laughed and rolled her eyes. 

“Where you heading? After this, I mean?” He asked, feeling the spark of hope that she’d be somewhere on Caprica. It was a big planet, but maybe they would see each other…maybe something else if things went the way he hoped.

“Taking a commercial pilot position with Gemenon Air. Great pay package, killer benefits, six weeks paid vacation. Who cares if I’m shuttling around a bunch of bratty kids and their families. At least I’ll still be flying. From there, who knows?” Kara shrugged and pulled one of her duffels off the deck and slung it onto her shoulder.

“So, out of Gemenon, then?” He tried to keep the disappointment out of his voice as he picked up her other bag to followed her across the deck.

“Nope. They’re expanding. Domestic only.” Kara winked at him and shot him a toothy grin. Something had just sparked between them; he could feel it as sure as he was breathing. 

They reached a raptor and Kara tossed the bag into the back, securing it and the one Lee carried to the cargo hooks on the floor.

“I think that’s it,” Kara said, as she stowed her bags on the ship. “Can’t believe I’ve been on board for four years. I’m gonna miss her.” 

“You can always visit the museum, you know, as an ordinary citizen. I’m sure you’d get a discount.” Lee joked then turned away when he spotted his father and Saul approaching from the opposite side of the deck.

“Commander,” Kara said, hopping down off the raptor’s wing and standing sharply at attention, saluting his father. Lee felt his muscles contract as he assumed a tighter posture. The training stuck long after he’d left the service. 

“Captain,” Bill said, tipping his head to her. “Son.” Bill nodded at him looked into the raptor before addressing Kara. “You have everything?”

“Yes, sir. Just finished loading. About to head out.” Kara tipped back on her heels and stretched her arms out wide. “Really looking forward to three weeks paid leave. I’m gonna sit on my ass and drink ambrosia under the sun every damned day.” 

Everyone laughed and Lee watched as Kara gave Bill and Saul each a tight embrace. “You two stay out of trouble. I’m going to be too busy getting a tan to rescue your sorry asses.” She waggled her finger at Saul in particular, who glared at her. 

Bill addressed Lee, “What about you, son. What are your plans?” 

“Well, I missed my flight last night, so I'm hitching a ride with some kind soul. When are you two going down to Caprica?” Lee shoved his hands into his pockets and felt Kara step closer to him.

“Lee, come with me. They’re going to Command for some boring old dinner. I’m going to Caprica now. I’ll take you home.” 

Lee glanced at her, surprised, and smiled in relief. “Well, okay. I guess I’m leaving now.”

Bill approached Lee and gave him another hug. “You made me a happy man, son. Thank you for coming.” Lee nodded into his shoulder and hugged him back.

When his father stepped back, Saul clapped Lee on the shoulder. “You did good, son.” For once, Lee appreciate the Saul’s affection and didn’t chafe at the word ‘son’. 

Lee nodded and stepped up onto the raptor wing to join Kara. He glanced back at both of them, then looked pointedly at Saul. “I’ll see you in Delos in two weeks right? The magistrate will have my ass if you don’t show for your community service. Two weeks.” Lee held up two fingers and watched as Saul twisted his mouth up into a grimace, mumbling about cleaning up after some frakking tourists. Lee glanced at his father and then to Kara and they all chuckled.

“We’ll both see you in two weeks, Lee.” Bill glanced over at Saul, squeezing his arm and giving him a soft and patient expression. “A week’s vacation at the ocean sounds great, doesn’t it, Saul?”

The taller man grumbled again, but his eyes twinkled as he stared back at his father. Lee’s smile spread into a grin about the love his father had obviously found. With his heart happy, he gave a small wave and followed Kara into the ship.

***

The nighttime air near the ocean was cool as Kara pulled them into Lee’s driveway in Delos and cut the engine. During the three hour drive from the base, Kara talked to Lee about Bill and Saul and the Galactica. Lee had talked a little about law school and moving to Delos with Gianne and then about their break up six months back. They touched on most things, but never let the conversation linger too long on sad thoughts. This was a time for celebration, Kara thought, and she was determined to keep things light. 

Lee moved his hand to the car door handle. “You want to come in?” 

Kara took a breath, not quite sure of the next step, but unwilling to leave him just yet. There was still something between them and she wanted to know where it would go. “Sure. I’m kind of starving.”

“Well, we can fix that,” Lee said and pushed the door open wide to climb out of the car. 

Kara unlocked the trunk and Lee pulled out his bag and headed towards the front door. Kara glanced at her duffels, felt wary, and then slammed the trunk lid closed. No pressure. If this was going to happen, she wasn’t going to push.

The neighborhood around them was quiet as Kara followed Lee into the house, waiting until he flicked on the lights and closed the door. 

“Nice to see your place when I’m not drunk, hungover, or pissed off,” she joked and Lee gave her a funny expression. 

“What? That was me the last time I was here.” She stepped past him and into the kitchen, feeling free enough to open the refrigerator and pull out an ambrosia. “You want one?”

“Sure,” he answered and kicked off his shoes. “I’m beat. I feel like I could sleep for a week. Forgot how uncomfortable those military racks are.” He stretched his arms over his head and she watched the muscles play against the fabric of his shirt. The desire she’d been holding at bay blossomed inside her and she took a long swig of her ambrosia, letting her eyes linger on Lee as he took the ambrosia she’d opened for him. 

He drank and leaned against the kitchen island, his eyes inscrutable. “So, where are you headed first? Now that you’ve got time on your hands?” 

“Depends on my options,” Kara drawled, glancing away from Lee and then back. 

“What are they so far?” He asked, eyes on her as he took another drink.

“Helo’s parents have a ski house in Mount Argo. He’s going there with a few buddies from flight school. And then there’s Flattop’s offer to take an outback hike on the southern continent.” Kara blew out a breath. “That sounds like too much work. Helo’s offer is good, but…”

“No sun,” Lee interrupted.

“Exactly,” she said, pointing at him with her ambrosia bottle. A long moment passed and then Kara took a long pull on the bottle. Enough waiting. She knew exactly what she wanted, and he’d want it or not.

Kara dropped the ambrosia onto the island and took two steps forward, standing so close to Lee that her breasts were nearly touching him. His eyes darkened and met hers as she spoke. “What I really want to do is lay in the sun all day. Get a tan. Do nothing.”

Lee held her eyes, his mouth quirking up at one corner. “And where exactly might you be able to do this, Captain?”

Kara slid her fingers along the buttons of Lee’s shirt, popping one open at a time as she moved lower. “Well, I know this lawyer, not bad looking, kind of a shitty attitude, but he’s got a house close to the shore.”

“Shitty attitude, huh?” he teased, and brushed a hair off her face. 

Kara pulled her lip into her mouth and nodded, “Mmmhmm.” She felt his hands skim her sides and she shivered. 

With the last button freed, she slid her hands along Lee’s muscled abdomen, watching his mouth drop slightly open as she skimmed her fingers over his nipples to push the shirt off his shoulders. Kara leaned forward, pressing small kisses to Lee’s collarbone and neck, dancing her lips along his jaw until he groaned and squeezed his arms tightly around her. 

“My gods, Kara, I’ve missed you so much.” He breathed into her hair and pulled her face flush into his neck. 

She half-laughed, half-groaned. “I missed you, too.” 

After a moment, Kara leaned back and tilted her head up to capture his mouth in a kiss, feather light at first and then deepening as their fingers skittered along clothes, pulling at snaps and zippers until they were nearly nude, pressed against each other in his kitchen. 

“C’mon, let’s go upstairs,” he whispered, dragging her towards the steps. 

“Hey,” she argued, stopping short. “What about that beach vacation? I’m not putting out until I’ve got a deal.”

Lee laughed and lunged, tackling her and pressing her hard against the wall at the base of the steps. Kara squealed and he bit along the skin of her neck. “Anything you want, Kara.” He breathed a sigh as he found her mouth with his and gripped her tighter. 

“Anything at all.”  



End file.
